he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
