I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
