I got chris browned last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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