Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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