Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize