dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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