two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
