I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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