Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
