I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
