So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
