There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
