so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
