An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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