pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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