I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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