He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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