she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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