Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In America we eat man semen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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