her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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