Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ttyl tear gas
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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