i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
