i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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