Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
