Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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