Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
