Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
