There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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