new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
