So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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