Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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