it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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