hotel room ftw
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
