True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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