It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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