somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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