you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
