he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
