spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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