I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
