dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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