he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
