I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
