If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
