Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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