My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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