Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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