when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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