Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
