This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
