I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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