guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
reminds me of losing my job
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed