is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism