is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its not stalking. its research.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.