Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.