i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
