I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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