happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
