haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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