This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize