I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
