You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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