i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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