Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
