Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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