and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
