brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
